Dating a Single Parent

Is dating a single parent different from dating anyone else? It can be, particularly if the person hasn’t been actively dating for a while. When you’re a single parent with young children, especially if they’re pre-school age, there’s not much time left for socializing. Recognize this and your date will get off to a good start - while the following tips will ensure a great finish.

- Your date’s life will almost certainly revolve around children, so start there. Ask about the kids – ages, activities, hobbies and school. It’s a great way to get the conversation started and put your date at ease with a subject they’re comfortable talking about.

- Once the conversation on children has started, ask to see a picture. If your date is a single mom, she’s probably carrying quite a few.

- Past relationships are usually a bad idea to ask about, but if you’re really daring, go ahead. Sometimes it’s a topic they’re comfortable with, sometimes it isn’t. Be careful not to become their therapist and don’t offer unsolicited advice. Always have an alternate subject to talk about when this one starts failing, or is shunned.

- You don’t want the evening to be filled with conversations about children, so make a list of things to talk about ahead of time. Hobbies, family origins, and pets – any topic is fine as long as it keeps the discussions going and moves it away from kids … and past relationships.

- Calling home to see how the children are is always a nice suggestion. If your date is feeling comfortable with you it probably won’t be necessary, but the gesture on your part will be appreciated.

- Let your date know that it’s okay for your children to call you. Be proactive and have the telephone numbers for where you’ll be. This shows your sincerity. Hopefully, your date will be pleased about the suggestion, but will make sure that the calls are for emergency only.

- If your date hasn’t been socializing lately, keep the date more subdued. If you’re doing dinner, make it casual dining. You’ll want to get to know your date if it’s the first time out, so avoid places where you can’t sit and talk – like movie theatres. A nice walk is always good.

- Make the date someplace where casual dress is in order. With the responsibility of supporting children, your date may not be in a position to afford an expensive wardrobe. Not that this matters, but it could be embarrassing for your date if you’re intending to go someplace requiring fancier attire.

- Always be aware of the baby talk. Single parents of young children may unintentionally slip into this banter, but don’t take it as an invitation to reply in the same childish babble. Sometimes it might be cute coming from a female, but never if your dates a single dad.

- If getting a babysitter is a problem, you can always suggest an activity where your date’s children can join you. This isn’t a great idea on a first date, but after that, why not? If you’re going to see the person again, then kids will be part of it.

- Let your date dictate when you’ll meet the kids. Suggest that they participate in a future date and make it a theme park, beach, or wherever children will be comfortable and have a good time. First time outings with children at a restaurant don’t usually turn out as expected.

- When the date is over, don’t invite yourself back into their home. Your date may not be ready for that and feel uncomfortable with kids running around and the possible state of the home. There’ll be time for that later, when your date is prepared.

Dating a single parent can have its challenges, but if you’re seriously interested in the person, working your dates around kids, colds and babysitters is worth it.

Romance and Romantically Challenged Men

Man’s entire mental approach to romance is worlds apart from the thinking of a woman. His thought process is basic, primeval. In fact, this primitive mindset is the reason men rationalize romance based on simplistic needs and not emotion.

Men will look at a cave and see nothing more than a hole in the ground where he can take shelter from the rain. A woman looks at the same cave and sees a home – a place nicely decorated with curtains and furniture, somewhere comfortable for her family.

From hole-in-the-wall to home, an example that shows how differently men and women can think when it comes to the fundamental aspects of a relationship.

Dating:

Man invented the wheel, so it should come as no surprise that the male population is enthused by any activity that revolves around this discovery. Monster trucks, motorcycle racing, or anything else that involves high speeds and dangerous driving, is a natural attraction for men. Exhaust fumes and the roar of vehicles without mufflers are to men what candles and soft music are to women – a turn-on!

The competitive side of man has him drawn to physical activities like football and hockey and he’s compelled to watch these warriors compete on the sports battleground. And you can’t get any more basic than wrestling – the ultimate show of manhood, one against one in animalistic combat!

What has this to do with dating? It’s quite easy – these activities go right to the man’s heart and he naturally wants to include his woman in what he enjoys. Understand the underlying difference in thought patterns and women can easily manoeuvre their men into a romantic evening. When it comes to movies, women like romance while men go for action. A woman will think ballet, the man thinks break dancing; women enjoy a stage performance, her man’s idea of a stage is the boxing ring.

Women can get the candle light dinner and moonlit walk along the beach - after the baseball game.

Romantic dinners:

Having something to eat is simply a means of replenishing ones strength, or an activity done during a family gathering – man never meant it to be a romantic effort. There was always a practical purpose for eating – and it had absolutely nothing to do with romance.

Basic man, basic cooking – barbeques, fried chicken, pizza and fast food. If you can wash it down with bottled beer, it’s good. If you can do that without having to get out of your jeans, it’s even better. Eating a meal wasn’t intended to be a prolonged event for man.

Knowing this, it may be wise for the woman to suggest a long night of unimaginable pleasure if her man will take his time at the dining room table.

Gifts:

If it can be taken apart, or used to take something apart, a man will be fascinated by it. If it makes loud noise, or can be hung on the workshop wall, he’ll want it. Hand tools, power accessories, and anything electronic – give your man a ratchet set and it’s like sex; add a compressor and he’ll have an orgasm.

In his role of handyman, tools are a natural gift for him. Considering this mentality, is it any wonder that a gift he selects for his woman happens to be a kitchen utensil, or microwave oven?

If you want your gift to be something personal, don’t leave the decision up to your man or you will probably be disappointed. Help him out and make a list of what you want – he’ll appreciate it.

Sex and intimacy:

A simple three letter, one syllable word that’s easy for men to remember, sex is a word developed for man. To a man, sex is as fundamental as eating – it’s another pleasurable project on his list of things to do. If he doesn’t have to get dressed up for dinner, he won’t. If he can have sex without foreplay, he will. If a woman wants her man to be romantic, she has to train him – but it shouldn’t be all that hard since men aren’t overly complicated. He’ll quickly learn that the longer he plays, the longer he stays.

Are men really romantically challenged? Some say they are while others defend man’s simplistic approach to love as being a product of his prehistoric heritage. Women have evolved into complex creatures and have to exercise patience while they wait for their men to catch up.

Sex Tapes: Should You Make One?

Making a sex tape of you and your partner’s sexcapades can be quite exciting, but is it a good idea?

Putting together a tape of your love making is obviously quite arousing and can add that extra fuel to the sexual fire. What most people don’t think about, however, is the possibility of a couple breaking up – and then what happens to the tape, or DVD?

We’ve all heard of the infamous sex tapes that fall into the hands of the wrong people and end up on the internet, or scorned lovers using the tapes as blackmail. Here are a few hints to help make your sex tape fun and not regrettable.

- Never take it for granted that the two of you will be together forever. Amicable breaks in a relationship can turn nasty and jealousies can cause a scorned partner to use the sex tapes for a use not originally intended;

- With the ever popular You-Tube craze and stolen sex tapes, your filmed escapades must be kept in a safe and secure location where they can’t accidentally be found by someone else;

- Make sure that there is only one copy, that all the others have been destroyed (including any working copies), and that you have possession of the tape or DVD;

- If you’re doing any editing (both of you involved in this process can be as arousing as the original taping), have the files deleted from your computer so that the finished copy is the only evidence of your filming session;

- Consider wearing masks in the sex tape so that identification of the parties will only be known by the two players in the film. You can still watch it, know you’re the stars, and maybe the disguises will be an added stimulant to your movie;

- Don’t make a sex tape with anyone other than a person you’re in a long term, committed relationship with. You want to always know that the tape will be used for you and your partner’s personal pleasure only and not distributed all over the internet;

- One security measure is to make the sex tape, watch it, then have it destroyed – all copies, including the original. Now you will have nothing to worry about – and the best part of the sex tape is making it, so now you have a reason to start all over!

- For the best security, don’t have the camera running. Connect it to your television and start the taping so you can watch yourselves on TV, but there’s no hard copy produced that has to be worried about. Watching the live action on your TV monitor will be a turn-on all in itself.

Taping you and your partner enjoying intimate moments can be stimulating fun, but remember to always consider the consequences of your sex tapes falling into the wrong hands, or being used for purposes not originally intended.

Friendship: Taking it to the Next Level

What happens when you decide to take that friendship to another level? Is it a good thing to ask your friend out on a date … a real date? Do these relationships ever work out, or does exposing your friend to your true feelings destroy the friendship?

It can be treacherous ground, for sure. I went through just that experience. Although it worked out well for me, it may not turn out that way for somebody else.

My husband and I had been friends for many years. I have to admit that I was physically attracted to him, but the idea that we would ever actually be together was more a fantasy of mine than anything else. To be honest, we had flirted with each other for many years with subtle touches and even an occasional stolen kiss under the guise of a birthday wish, or New Years Eve traditional touching of the lips. We had enjoyed being with each other, finding it easy to talk about whatever and occasionally consoling one another when relationships went bad.

Did he care for me? As it turns out, yes. And he decided to try and take our friendship to the next level – a more serious one.

One day he told me how he felt. He was very open about it and said that if I didn’t feel the same way then he would have to distance himself from me. It’s not that he wanted to, but he wasn’t able to continue the charade and not be jealous of my relationships with other people. We talked for quite a while about this, but I actually wasn’t sure what I felt. It had come as quite a surprise that he wanted us to be a couple and I found it scary that I was now being asked to make a decision on our future relationship.

Okay, so I took the night and thought it over … and came to the conclusion that I guess I really knew I would come to all along. I called him up and said yes. I told him that I wanted to give our relationship a try and see where it would go.

We took it slow for several months and let our feelings go where they would. Even though it was difficult, we kept sex out of things and just let the relationship blossom on its own. Communication was a key factor and we would talk for hours about everything and anything. The only thing that was different between us was that now we openly showed our feelings for each other – holding hands; arms around each other; a public kiss of affection; smiles that now meant more than they did before.

I think that being friends first definitely helped, but getting to really know each other cemented the relationship – and here we are, 25 years later, married and still madly in love with each other.

If you’re interested in seeing if your friendship should be taken to another level, I would suggest that you:

- Make sure that your feelings are more than simple curiosity and lust;

- Try staying away from your friend for a while and see how you feel. If you find yourself constantly thinking about him/her, then maybe it’s time to take a chance;

- Understand the consequences of making your emotions known because it may not work out exactly as you had planned;

- Consider the fact that the other person may not feel the same way about you and what you’re going to do if that’s the case;

- Acknowledge that once these kind of romantic feelings are made known, there is no turning back and the friendship as you know it may never be the same again;

- If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, you may have to restrict your time around the individual because it’s doubtful you’ll be able to accept them being with someone else;

- When you find that the other person feels like you and wants to try and move the relationship forward, take it slow;

- Keep sex out of it because you don’t want lust influencing your real feelings. There will be lots of time for that later;

- Talk, talk, talk. Let your dates become time for getting to explore your emotions and to better understand the other person. You may have been friends and think you know all there is to know about the other person, but remember that this is now something different – take the time to explore it.

Above all else, don’t try so hard to make it work, simply enjoy the time you spend together – that’s what relationships are all about!

Dating, Men and Lost Cars

I read an article the other day about a television celebrity who forgot where he parked his car while shopping in Hollywood. This actor was apparently seen wandering the lot, pushing the lock button on his key chain while he listened for the beep.

This must really be a man thing ‘cause it happened to hubby-dearest last week while we were out on a romantic date – if you can call a Monster-Truck Rally a romantic date. Well, we did hold hands and he bought me a bucket of popcorn (with extra butter), so I guess you can say the date was somewhat romantic. According to my man, anytime the two of us get out of the house alone and spend money (other than shopping), it’s a date. Who can argue with that kind of dating logic?

Okay, I’m digressing a bit. Our date started off fine. Being the gentleman that he is, my husband dropped me off at the arena entrance while he parked the car. After several hours of eating dust laden popcorn and drinking warm soda, the event was over and so was our date – time to go home. We left the arena and went outside to the parking lot. It hit him almost immediately - he had absolutely no idea where he had left the vehicle.

Honest. I’m not lying about this. We stood there dumbfounded with our bag full of souvenirs in hand wondering where the hell he’d left our ride. No idea, none whatsoever. My husband turned to me for help and I simply told him: “Hey, it’s your car; you’re supposed to know where it is.”

He didn’t get excited and did what any man would do – pulled out the remote and pressed the panic button. Yes, the alarm went off and we could hear the blaring horn and knew the lights were flashing madly, but the car was still nowhere to be seen.

It was still hidden amongst a thousand others, parked somewhere in one of those 30 rows with its alarm system blaring. And he’s standing on the sidewalk like a dork with the remote stretched out over his head so that everyone walking by knows that he’s the one who lost his car.

And now I’m thinking about those days when you’d see cars toting monstrously tall CB antennas. Remember them? They would often be adorned with distinctive flags, or raccoon tails, or something else just as tacky. My dad had one. He didn’t have a CB, but he had the antenna. I never knew why.

Now I do.

Should Single Mothers Date?

Is there any reason that a single mom shouldn’t date? Absolutely not! Single mothers should be out in the world enjoying the experiences of dating just like everyone else.

Unfortunately, some may have a different opinion.

In a supermarket the other day a woman was talking to a friend and said that her daughter was having a difficult time dating and couldn’t seem to find the right man. Mother-dearest suggested that her single-mom daughter not date until the children were “older”. Although “older” was never defined, it was taken to be adulthood.

Maybe the men aren’t the problem, but the way the single mother is handling her dates.

In many cases, single parents who’ve been out of the dating game for a while have forgotten some of the rules. All they need for a successful date is a refresher course on dating. These few bits of dating advice will help.

Clothing should be appropriate for the date:
-- Dress to be with adults, not children.
-- Wear something casual, but not provocative.
-- What you wear should be appropriate for where you’re going.
-- Stay away from anything with language or graphics that can be offensive.
-- Hint: if you’re not comfortable going to church in it, put it back.

Perfumes are to be used in moderation:
-- Don’t use your favourite perfume to excess.
-- Use a dab, not a splash.
-- Hint: Perfumes are to entice, not overwhelm.

Jewellery is an accent, not a statement:
-- Bling is nice, but you don’t have to wear it all at once.
-- Know the difference between elegant and garish.
-- Hint: If your date needs sunglasses for the glare, it’s too much.

Fragrances other than your perfume:
-- Be aware of odors that aren’t your perfume.
-- Don’t overdo the deodorant. The mix with your perfume could be over-powering.
-- Breath mints are mandatory.
-- Cigarette smoke on your breath or clothing is unpleasant to a non-smoker.
-- Hint: Always wear freshly laundered clothes.

Timing is important:
-- Be considerate, be on time.
-- Make sure your busy schedule leaves enough time to get ready.
-- Phone if you’re running late, and the earlier the better.
-- If you’re being picked up – be ready and waiting.
-- If you’re meeting your date, it’s better to arrive early.
-- Hint: Dates shouldn’t be kept waiting more than 5 minutes

Emergency situations have to be planned for:
-- Make sure you have enough money to get yourself back home.
-- Don’t assume that your date is going to pay for everything.
-- Take your cell phone, or borrow one.
-- Hint: Plan like you’ll have to pay for everything.

Conversation is the key to a good date:
-- Keep it light.
-- Don’t talk about kids unless your date brings it up.
-- Previous lovers, bad marriages and family problems are out.
-- Baby talk may be cute, but has no place on a dinner date.
-- Give your date a chance to be part of the conversation.
-- Don’t let the conversation turn to silence.
-- Hint: Make a list of things to talk about before you leave home.

Fun is what a date is all about:
-- Don’t worry about the kids and start calling them every ten minutes.
-- Limit your drinking - slurred words and falling off the chair aren’t good things.
-- Crude innuendos and course language are for the gutter, not a date.
-- Hint: Relax and enjoy yourself

Ending the date:
-- If it’s your first date, end it at the door.
-- Make it another time to meet your kids, don’t rush things.
-- A Kiss on the cheek is appropriate.
-- Anything more will be dictated by your feelings.
-- Hint: From here on out, you’re on your own!

This date is your time to have some fun and adult conversation, so enjoy it.

How to Care for Aging Parents

Parents have always been the caregivers. They worked, provided food and shelter, and raised families. As our parents age, they face a reversal in that role and find themselves needing care. This can be a difficult change for aging parents to accept.

In many cases, aging parents do not want to acknowledge that they need assistance. So how do we care for our aging parents without making them feel that they need it? How do we get past the pride and make their senior years as good as they should be?

1. Understand their feelings. This should be a good time in their lives, but it’s made difficult because of reduced mobility and retirement from the work force. They’re no longer needed at work and their kids have grown up, moved out and are raising families of their own – without their help. Quite naturally, they don’t feel as needed as they used to be.

2. Take payment when it’s offered. This can be a difficult one, but the offer makes our aging parents feel they’re still able to pay their own way and are not a burden on you. Decline, but it will probably be pushed on you. Take the cookies, pop, or sandwich. If it’s money, see if you can trade for one of mom’s home-made pies, or dad’s help with a later project. If you have to take the money, put it aside and use it to buy them that something extra, or use it for a grandchild’s education. When they comment on how well their grandchild has done, let them know it was their money that did it.

3. Call them on the phone. Make calls regular, every morning perhaps, to make sure everything is okay. And tell them that’s why you call. It’s caring. Provide them with a ‘call as you go’ cell phone so they have contact in case of an emergency away from the home. Give it as a birthday, or Christmas gift.

4. Drop in unexpectedly. This shows that you visit not out of a sense of duty, but because you actually want to see them. It’s important that they not feel forgotten, even though they’re not.

5. Involve them in your activities. Invite them to the park, grandchild’s school event, or other social activities. Let them be involved in arranging birthday parties, anniversary gatherings, or anything else you could use a hand at.

6. Ask for their advice. Whether you take it or not is secondary to making them feel that what they think and have to offer is still valued. Gain from their experience.

7. Listen to their stories. Get them to tell you about the ‘old’ days when they were younger. Have them fill you in on the family backgrounds and things you may never have known. Like most, we like to remember our younger days and our aging parents are no different. It’s a way of passing history from generation to generation.

8. Have dinner together. This can be one of those home-made meals that mom always used to put on. Her feeling of worth is increased with the knowledge that her kids still enjoy that home-cooking.

9. Take them shopping. Offer to take them along when you go shopping, or call and ask if they need anything while you’re out. Their continued activity will keep them young and independent, particularly if they can’t drive all that much anymore.

10. Don’t treat them like old people. They are important members of our senior society, so treat them like respected elders, not like old people.

There’s no magic to caring for aging parents. It’s simply doing for them what they’ve always done for us.