Finding Mister Right

Mr. Right: he’s there, someplace - you just have to go out and find him. Decide what it is you’re honestly looking for and don’t settle on anything less. It’s not always an easy task and the road to real love can be full of disappointment, but follow some basic rules and the journey will have its happy ending.

What do you really want?

Determine what you need from a man and the relationship. Now is the time to be honest with yourself and be fussy. Establish what you must have, not what you’re hoping to get. Set your goals and don’t settle with second best.

Dress to attract the man you want:

Showing an abundance of cleavage and too much thigh sends out the wrong message. If you’ve set the profile of the man you want, then dress the way he’d want his woman to look. Even sportswear and casual wear can be worn to look good, just make sure your clothing fits and are clean. Don’t go overboard on the make-up and remember that perfumes are meant to attract, not repel.

Where you go determines what you’ll get:

Go to a bar, get a bar-fly. It’s rare that you’ll find an outdoors enthusiast sitting in the pub at 2 o’clock on a sunny Saturday afternoon, so look elsewhere. If you do feel like having a cocktail, be more selective about the places you visit. Keep asking yourself: “Where would my perfect man be?” – and go there.

How you act says who you are:

Spitting in public says a lot about a person, so does the language they use. Eating habits and over indulgence in liquor directly influences the way people look at you. If you’re a smoker, pay attention to stale breath and the lingering smell of smoke on your clothing. Unless you’re not at all particular in who you go home with, take a hard look at your habits – and ditch those bad ones.

Look for friendship, not a relationship:

It’s easier to find a friend than a lifelong companion, but one could easily end up being the other. Don’t let every waking moment revolve around finding someone to spend the rest of your life with because that will be far too stressful and filled with disappointment. Relax and enjoy meeting new friends – it’s a search for Mr Right, not a hunt for prey.

Communicate your needs as soon as possible:

Men are not mind-readers. If you’re afraid that being open about what you’re looking for in a man and a relationship will chase him away, then think of it this way: If he runs from what you’re saying he’s not the man you’re looking for. Start communicating early on in your dating relationship. You can share your feelings with a man as long as you do it correctly. Don’t divulge your intimate feelings too early and never express your feelings in a negative context.

A “friend with benefits” relationship will rarely get you Mr Right:

This is exactly what it implies - sex without commitment. It’s nothing more, so don’t fool yourself into thinking anything different. If you believe you can use a physical attraction to start a serious relationship, you’re wrong. Casual sex is casual sex and men can rarely make that leap to something more serious. This type of situation is never developed to become a lasting relationship.

Lust isn’t love:

Know the difference between that physical attraction and a lasting love. Love making draws out strong emotions and these feelings can sometime be interpreted as love. This is not always the case and once the layer of lust is stripped away you may be disappointed with what you find lying underneath. Think of it this way: Lust is short term, love is forever. You have to be able to communicate, so talking is a far more important attribute than sex in a long term committed relationship.

You can’t fix him because he was never broken:

What you see is what you get and you’re not going to change his behaviour, so don’t even try. If you accept the way he is now in hopes of moulding him later, forget it. Re-check your list and don’t accept anything less than what you started out to find. And go with your heart - if the attraction isn’t there to start, it probably won’t ever be.

Don’t tolerate a bad situation:

If it’s not working, get out. Never settle for anything less than what you want and need in a relationship. You can’t change it once you’ve accepted ‘the way things are’. To then start complaining turns you into the “B” word to a man – you become a nag and the antagonist in a relationship. Life is too short to live it in misery and ‘what if’ scenarios.

Desperation is the final word. Don’t fall prey to it. Finding Mr Right can happen in the next few minutes, or it could take years. Some women never do find their Prince Charming, but that doesn’t mean you stop looking for the magic that comes with Mister Right.