Friendship: Taking it to the Next Level

What happens when you decide to take that friendship to another level? Is it a good thing to ask your friend out on a date … a real date? Do these relationships ever work out, or does exposing your friend to your true feelings destroy the friendship?

It can be treacherous ground, for sure. I went through just that experience. Although it worked out well for me, it may not turn out that way for somebody else.

My husband and I had been friends for many years. I have to admit that I was physically attracted to him, but the idea that we would ever actually be together was more a fantasy of mine than anything else. To be honest, we had flirted with each other for many years with subtle touches and even an occasional stolen kiss under the guise of a birthday wish, or New Years Eve traditional touching of the lips. We had enjoyed being with each other, finding it easy to talk about whatever and occasionally consoling one another when relationships went bad.

Did he care for me? As it turns out, yes. And he decided to try and take our friendship to the next level – a more serious one.

One day he told me how he felt. He was very open about it and said that if I didn’t feel the same way then he would have to distance himself from me. It’s not that he wanted to, but he wasn’t able to continue the charade and not be jealous of my relationships with other people. We talked for quite a while about this, but I actually wasn’t sure what I felt. It had come as quite a surprise that he wanted us to be a couple and I found it scary that I was now being asked to make a decision on our future relationship.

Okay, so I took the night and thought it over … and came to the conclusion that I guess I really knew I would come to all along. I called him up and said yes. I told him that I wanted to give our relationship a try and see where it would go.

We took it slow for several months and let our feelings go where they would. Even though it was difficult, we kept sex out of things and just let the relationship blossom on its own. Communication was a key factor and we would talk for hours about everything and anything. The only thing that was different between us was that now we openly showed our feelings for each other – holding hands; arms around each other; a public kiss of affection; smiles that now meant more than they did before.

I think that being friends first definitely helped, but getting to really know each other cemented the relationship – and here we are, 25 years later, married and still madly in love with each other.

If you’re interested in seeing if your friendship should be taken to another level, I would suggest that you:

- Make sure that your feelings are more than simple curiosity and lust;

- Try staying away from your friend for a while and see how you feel. If you find yourself constantly thinking about him/her, then maybe it’s time to take a chance;

- Understand the consequences of making your emotions known because it may not work out exactly as you had planned;

- Consider the fact that the other person may not feel the same way about you and what you’re going to do if that’s the case;

- Acknowledge that once these kind of romantic feelings are made known, there is no turning back and the friendship as you know it may never be the same again;

- If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, you may have to restrict your time around the individual because it’s doubtful you’ll be able to accept them being with someone else;

- When you find that the other person feels like you and wants to try and move the relationship forward, take it slow;

- Keep sex out of it because you don’t want lust influencing your real feelings. There will be lots of time for that later;

- Talk, talk, talk. Let your dates become time for getting to explore your emotions and to better understand the other person. You may have been friends and think you know all there is to know about the other person, but remember that this is now something different – take the time to explore it.

Above all else, don’t try so hard to make it work, simply enjoy the time you spend together – that’s what relationships are all about!