Friendship: Taking it to the Next Level

What happens when you decide to take that friendship to another level? Is it a good thing to ask your friend out on a date … a real date? Do these relationships ever work out, or does exposing your friend to your true feelings destroy the friendship?

It can be treacherous ground, for sure. I went through just that experience. Although it worked out well for me, it may not turn out that way for somebody else.

My husband and I had been friends for many years. I have to admit that I was physically attracted to him, but the idea that we would ever actually be together was more a fantasy of mine than anything else. To be honest, we had flirted with each other for many years with subtle touches and even an occasional stolen kiss under the guise of a birthday wish, or New Years Eve traditional touching of the lips. We had enjoyed being with each other, finding it easy to talk about whatever and occasionally consoling one another when relationships went bad.

Did he care for me? As it turns out, yes. And he decided to try and take our friendship to the next level – a more serious one.

One day he told me how he felt. He was very open about it and said that if I didn’t feel the same way then he would have to distance himself from me. It’s not that he wanted to, but he wasn’t able to continue the charade and not be jealous of my relationships with other people. We talked for quite a while about this, but I actually wasn’t sure what I felt. It had come as quite a surprise that he wanted us to be a couple and I found it scary that I was now being asked to make a decision on our future relationship.

Okay, so I took the night and thought it over … and came to the conclusion that I guess I really knew I would come to all along. I called him up and said yes. I told him that I wanted to give our relationship a try and see where it would go.

We took it slow for several months and let our feelings go where they would. Even though it was difficult, we kept sex out of things and just let the relationship blossom on its own. Communication was a key factor and we would talk for hours about everything and anything. The only thing that was different between us was that now we openly showed our feelings for each other – holding hands; arms around each other; a public kiss of affection; smiles that now meant more than they did before.

I think that being friends first definitely helped, but getting to really know each other cemented the relationship – and here we are, 25 years later, married and still madly in love with each other.

If you’re interested in seeing if your friendship should be taken to another level, I would suggest that you:

- Make sure that your feelings are more than simple curiosity and lust;

- Try staying away from your friend for a while and see how you feel. If you find yourself constantly thinking about him/her, then maybe it’s time to take a chance;

- Understand the consequences of making your emotions known because it may not work out exactly as you had planned;

- Consider the fact that the other person may not feel the same way about you and what you’re going to do if that’s the case;

- Acknowledge that once these kind of romantic feelings are made known, there is no turning back and the friendship as you know it may never be the same again;

- If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, you may have to restrict your time around the individual because it’s doubtful you’ll be able to accept them being with someone else;

- When you find that the other person feels like you and wants to try and move the relationship forward, take it slow;

- Keep sex out of it because you don’t want lust influencing your real feelings. There will be lots of time for that later;

- Talk, talk, talk. Let your dates become time for getting to explore your emotions and to better understand the other person. You may have been friends and think you know all there is to know about the other person, but remember that this is now something different – take the time to explore it.

Above all else, don’t try so hard to make it work, simply enjoy the time you spend together – that’s what relationships are all about!

Dating, Men and Lost Cars

I read an article the other day about a television celebrity who forgot where he parked his car while shopping in Hollywood. This actor was apparently seen wandering the lot, pushing the lock button on his key chain while he listened for the beep.

This must really be a man thing ‘cause it happened to hubby-dearest last week while we were out on a romantic date – if you can call a Monster-Truck Rally a romantic date. Well, we did hold hands and he bought me a bucket of popcorn (with extra butter), so I guess you can say the date was somewhat romantic. According to my man, anytime the two of us get out of the house alone and spend money (other than shopping), it’s a date. Who can argue with that kind of dating logic?

Okay, I’m digressing a bit. Our date started off fine. Being the gentleman that he is, my husband dropped me off at the arena entrance while he parked the car. After several hours of eating dust laden popcorn and drinking warm soda, the event was over and so was our date – time to go home. We left the arena and went outside to the parking lot. It hit him almost immediately - he had absolutely no idea where he had left the vehicle.

Honest. I’m not lying about this. We stood there dumbfounded with our bag full of souvenirs in hand wondering where the hell he’d left our ride. No idea, none whatsoever. My husband turned to me for help and I simply told him: “Hey, it’s your car; you’re supposed to know where it is.”

He didn’t get excited and did what any man would do – pulled out the remote and pressed the panic button. Yes, the alarm went off and we could hear the blaring horn and knew the lights were flashing madly, but the car was still nowhere to be seen.

It was still hidden amongst a thousand others, parked somewhere in one of those 30 rows with its alarm system blaring. And he’s standing on the sidewalk like a dork with the remote stretched out over his head so that everyone walking by knows that he’s the one who lost his car.

And now I’m thinking about those days when you’d see cars toting monstrously tall CB antennas. Remember them? They would often be adorned with distinctive flags, or raccoon tails, or something else just as tacky. My dad had one. He didn’t have a CB, but he had the antenna. I never knew why.

Now I do.

Should Single Mothers Date?

Is there any reason that a single mom shouldn’t date? Absolutely not! Single mothers should be out in the world enjoying the experiences of dating just like everyone else.

Unfortunately, some may have a different opinion.

In a supermarket the other day a woman was talking to a friend and said that her daughter was having a difficult time dating and couldn’t seem to find the right man. Mother-dearest suggested that her single-mom daughter not date until the children were “older”. Although “older” was never defined, it was taken to be adulthood.

Maybe the men aren’t the problem, but the way the single mother is handling her dates.

In many cases, single parents who’ve been out of the dating game for a while have forgotten some of the rules. All they need for a successful date is a refresher course on dating. These few bits of dating advice will help.

Clothing should be appropriate for the date:
-- Dress to be with adults, not children.
-- Wear something casual, but not provocative.
-- What you wear should be appropriate for where you’re going.
-- Stay away from anything with language or graphics that can be offensive.
-- Hint: if you’re not comfortable going to church in it, put it back.

Perfumes are to be used in moderation:
-- Don’t use your favourite perfume to excess.
-- Use a dab, not a splash.
-- Hint: Perfumes are to entice, not overwhelm.

Jewellery is an accent, not a statement:
-- Bling is nice, but you don’t have to wear it all at once.
-- Know the difference between elegant and garish.
-- Hint: If your date needs sunglasses for the glare, it’s too much.

Fragrances other than your perfume:
-- Be aware of odors that aren’t your perfume.
-- Don’t overdo the deodorant. The mix with your perfume could be over-powering.
-- Breath mints are mandatory.
-- Cigarette smoke on your breath or clothing is unpleasant to a non-smoker.
-- Hint: Always wear freshly laundered clothes.

Timing is important:
-- Be considerate, be on time.
-- Make sure your busy schedule leaves enough time to get ready.
-- Phone if you’re running late, and the earlier the better.
-- If you’re being picked up – be ready and waiting.
-- If you’re meeting your date, it’s better to arrive early.
-- Hint: Dates shouldn’t be kept waiting more than 5 minutes

Emergency situations have to be planned for:
-- Make sure you have enough money to get yourself back home.
-- Don’t assume that your date is going to pay for everything.
-- Take your cell phone, or borrow one.
-- Hint: Plan like you’ll have to pay for everything.

Conversation is the key to a good date:
-- Keep it light.
-- Don’t talk about kids unless your date brings it up.
-- Previous lovers, bad marriages and family problems are out.
-- Baby talk may be cute, but has no place on a dinner date.
-- Give your date a chance to be part of the conversation.
-- Don’t let the conversation turn to silence.
-- Hint: Make a list of things to talk about before you leave home.

Fun is what a date is all about:
-- Don’t worry about the kids and start calling them every ten minutes.
-- Limit your drinking - slurred words and falling off the chair aren’t good things.
-- Crude innuendos and course language are for the gutter, not a date.
-- Hint: Relax and enjoy yourself

Ending the date:
-- If it’s your first date, end it at the door.
-- Make it another time to meet your kids, don’t rush things.
-- A Kiss on the cheek is appropriate.
-- Anything more will be dictated by your feelings.
-- Hint: From here on out, you’re on your own!

This date is your time to have some fun and adult conversation, so enjoy it.

How to Care for Aging Parents

Parents have always been the caregivers. They worked, provided food and shelter, and raised families. As our parents age, they face a reversal in that role and find themselves needing care. This can be a difficult change for aging parents to accept.

In many cases, aging parents do not want to acknowledge that they need assistance. So how do we care for our aging parents without making them feel that they need it? How do we get past the pride and make their senior years as good as they should be?

1. Understand their feelings. This should be a good time in their lives, but it’s made difficult because of reduced mobility and retirement from the work force. They’re no longer needed at work and their kids have grown up, moved out and are raising families of their own – without their help. Quite naturally, they don’t feel as needed as they used to be.

2. Take payment when it’s offered. This can be a difficult one, but the offer makes our aging parents feel they’re still able to pay their own way and are not a burden on you. Decline, but it will probably be pushed on you. Take the cookies, pop, or sandwich. If it’s money, see if you can trade for one of mom’s home-made pies, or dad’s help with a later project. If you have to take the money, put it aside and use it to buy them that something extra, or use it for a grandchild’s education. When they comment on how well their grandchild has done, let them know it was their money that did it.

3. Call them on the phone. Make calls regular, every morning perhaps, to make sure everything is okay. And tell them that’s why you call. It’s caring. Provide them with a ‘call as you go’ cell phone so they have contact in case of an emergency away from the home. Give it as a birthday, or Christmas gift.

4. Drop in unexpectedly. This shows that you visit not out of a sense of duty, but because you actually want to see them. It’s important that they not feel forgotten, even though they’re not.

5. Involve them in your activities. Invite them to the park, grandchild’s school event, or other social activities. Let them be involved in arranging birthday parties, anniversary gatherings, or anything else you could use a hand at.

6. Ask for their advice. Whether you take it or not is secondary to making them feel that what they think and have to offer is still valued. Gain from their experience.

7. Listen to their stories. Get them to tell you about the ‘old’ days when they were younger. Have them fill you in on the family backgrounds and things you may never have known. Like most, we like to remember our younger days and our aging parents are no different. It’s a way of passing history from generation to generation.

8. Have dinner together. This can be one of those home-made meals that mom always used to put on. Her feeling of worth is increased with the knowledge that her kids still enjoy that home-cooking.

9. Take them shopping. Offer to take them along when you go shopping, or call and ask if they need anything while you’re out. Their continued activity will keep them young and independent, particularly if they can’t drive all that much anymore.

10. Don’t treat them like old people. They are important members of our senior society, so treat them like respected elders, not like old people.

There’s no magic to caring for aging parents. It’s simply doing for them what they’ve always done for us.

A Man’s Guide for Meeting Women

To meet a woman who may end up being that `special someone`, you’ll have to meet women who enjoy the same interests and activities you do. Unless you’re a skier, or want to learn, it makes no sense spending time at the ski lodge meeting women who are totally into the sport. With that in mind, look to meet women at places you normally visit, or at social activities you enjoy.

Bars and Clubs
These continue to be the most popular spots to meet women, but if you’re not into `clubbing` then this probably won’t suit you. Relationships may blossom from meeting women at bars and clubs, but the odds against this are higher than if you meet women at places where you can find a mutual interest.

Hardware Stores and Lumber Yards
The major hardware and lumber yards now say that 50 percent of their sales are made to women and they’ve directed their advertising and store layouts towards that market. More and more women are obviously becoming do-it-yourself enthusiasts and what could be more natural than to meet women who enjoy shopping at hardware stores as much as men do?

Grocery Stores and Super Markets
Everybody eats which means they have to shop, so this is a prime location to meet women. What can be more pathetic than a man lost in the baking section, staring at the ready-to-bake muffin packages, wondering which one he should choose? And what better way to meet women than by asking for their opinion?

Sporting Events
It doesn’t make any difference what sport any more than it matters if it’s a professional or amateur event. It’s common ground on which to meet women. You can take this a step further and join a sports club that is co-ed. This could be softball, soccer, billiards, darts, or whatever activity you’re interested in. This is always a good way to meet women that enjoy the same sports you do. Imagine – no more fighting over Monday night football!

Museums and Art Galleries
For a more sophisticated appeal, art galleries and museums present excellent opportunities to meet women. You can either be the novice and looking to tap into their knowledge of a subject, or you can be the one enlightening your future partner on the aspects of modern art, or the historical significance of some clay pottery.

City Parks
This is always a good place to meet women, especially on a warm spring or summer day. Depending on the park, you can have many points of interest such as botanical gardens, or historical theme areas. Anyone wandering the local parks has an interest in the outdoors and if this matches your criteria, then here’s where you may just meet that special woman.

Walking, Riding, or Hiking
If you enjoy fresh air, exercise and the outdoors, then any of these activities will provide opportunities to meet women who like the same things you do. You can always kick this one up a notch by offering to take your friend or neighbour’s small puppy for a walk. How can any woman not want to stop and pet your cute little dog? There are also many local hiking and riding clubs that you can join. If you don’t meet women you’ll at least be in better shape for when you do.

Art and Craft Exhibitions
Many communities have outdoor arts and crafts shows, so these can be fun places to meet women. There’s nothing better than talking to a woman who has an interest in the same crafts and hobbies you do.

Local Fairs and Church Events
Every community has a local fair, but they’re most often a yearly event which makes it difficult to meet women – unless you only come down from the mountains once a year. Local churches usually have social functions more often and are good places for casual meetings. Both of these are always full of entertaining activities, and the women you meet here will probably have a wide range of down-home interests.

Car and Boat Shows
Muscle cars and fast boats! Every man’s fantasy and to meet women here would only be icing on the cake. Be careful though, women who take interest in these may be more than you bargained for. Make sure you know what you’re talking about before you open your mouth. If you both have a set of personalized wrenches and some grease under the fingernails, then the woman met here could be the one of your dreams.

Now that you’re pointed in the right direction to meet women - act natural, be yourself and just let it happen. You might not meet your ‘soul-mate’, but you could very well find a life-long friend.

3 Legged Dog Saves Terrorized Family!

Every once in a while a story comes along that just makes you feel good. This is one of them.

Calamity Jane is a Golden Retriever who lives in Fort Worth, TX. About five weeks ago, Calamity was found on the side of the road suffering from a gun shot wound. She survived, but required the amputation of her front left leg.

Two weeks ago a family and some of their friends found themselves victims of a violent home invasion. Held at gunpoint and pistol-whipped while the intruders ransacked the house, the hostages feared for their lives.

For whatever reason, one of the thugs flipped on the outside light and this caught the attention of neighbouring Calamity Jane. Seeming to sense that something was wrong, she began barking loudly. Believing that there were people outside with the dog, the robbers panicked and fled the home with 3-legged Calamity Jane hot on their heels!

Calamity gave chase, but never did catch up to the hoodlums. But she had put an end to the 45 minutes of terror her neighbouring family had endured.

The story doesn’t end here, though. While having her leg amputated, the vet discovered that our 3-legged heroin was pregnant.

Calamity Jane is now the proud new mom of seven puppies.

A few days ago somebody made a comment that having an animals limbs amputated was cruel and inhumane. He felt that this would seriously reduce the pet’s quality of life and shouldn’t be done.
Maybe he should meet our 3-legged Calamity Jane!

What Makes a Good Caregiver?

The majority of those caring for aging parents and family members are middle aged women. They are married, working and spend an average of 18 hours a week in the caretakers role. Taking on the responsibility of caregiver is not easy and those that do are very special people.

To be a good caregiver, you must:

Eat healthy and get regular exercise, even if it’s only a short walk, or light aerobics. If you’re not healthy you can’t properly take care of someone else.

Acknowledge that caring for an older adult is stressful and it’s natural to experience a wide range of emotions from joy and fulfillment to anger and frustration.

Take time out for yourself. You cannot allow the role of caregiver to take over all other aspects of their life. “Away time” is necessary to prevent depression and resentment that causes burnout.

Accept that you cannot be everything to everyone, all the time. Ask for help from family, friends, and the community.

Give the person you’re caring for a say in the decisions that affect them. Let them decide what to wear, what to eat, or when to go to bed. Extend them the dignity and courtesy you would want extended to yourself.

Find out how legal and financial affairs should be handled.

Identify doctors and what they do for your elder. Record prescriptions and note all medical instructions given by the physicians.

Refrain from giving too much care. Even if they don't admit it, people like to help themselves.

Let them continue caring for their pets, shopping, cleaning, and whatever else they’re physically able to do.

Take pride in your efforts!