Dating a Single Parent

Is dating a single parent different from dating anyone else? It can be, particularly if the person hasn’t been actively dating for a while. When you’re a single parent with young children, especially if they’re pre-school age, there’s not much time left for socializing. Recognize this and your date will get off to a good start - while the following tips will ensure a great finish.

- Your date’s life will almost certainly revolve around children, so start there. Ask about the kids – ages, activities, hobbies and school. It’s a great way to get the conversation started and put your date at ease with a subject they’re comfortable talking about.

- Once the conversation on children has started, ask to see a picture. If your date is a single mom, she’s probably carrying quite a few.

- Past relationships are usually a bad idea to ask about, but if you’re really daring, go ahead. Sometimes it’s a topic they’re comfortable with, sometimes it isn’t. Be careful not to become their therapist and don’t offer unsolicited advice. Always have an alternate subject to talk about when this one starts failing, or is shunned.

- You don’t want the evening to be filled with conversations about children, so make a list of things to talk about ahead of time. Hobbies, family origins, and pets – any topic is fine as long as it keeps the discussions going and moves it away from kids … and past relationships.

- Calling home to see how the children are is always a nice suggestion. If your date is feeling comfortable with you it probably won’t be necessary, but the gesture on your part will be appreciated.

- Let your date know that it’s okay for your children to call you. Be proactive and have the telephone numbers for where you’ll be. This shows your sincerity. Hopefully, your date will be pleased about the suggestion, but will make sure that the calls are for emergency only.

- If your date hasn’t been socializing lately, keep the date more subdued. If you’re doing dinner, make it casual dining. You’ll want to get to know your date if it’s the first time out, so avoid places where you can’t sit and talk – like movie theatres. A nice walk is always good.

- Make the date someplace where casual dress is in order. With the responsibility of supporting children, your date may not be in a position to afford an expensive wardrobe. Not that this matters, but it could be embarrassing for your date if you’re intending to go someplace requiring fancier attire.

- Always be aware of the baby talk. Single parents of young children may unintentionally slip into this banter, but don’t take it as an invitation to reply in the same childish babble. Sometimes it might be cute coming from a female, but never if your dates a single dad.

- If getting a babysitter is a problem, you can always suggest an activity where your date’s children can join you. This isn’t a great idea on a first date, but after that, why not? If you’re going to see the person again, then kids will be part of it.

- Let your date dictate when you’ll meet the kids. Suggest that they participate in a future date and make it a theme park, beach, or wherever children will be comfortable and have a good time. First time outings with children at a restaurant don’t usually turn out as expected.

- When the date is over, don’t invite yourself back into their home. Your date may not be ready for that and feel uncomfortable with kids running around and the possible state of the home. There’ll be time for that later, when your date is prepared.

Dating a single parent can have its challenges, but if you’re seriously interested in the person, working your dates around kids, colds and babysitters is worth it.

Romance and Romantically Challenged Men

Man’s entire mental approach to romance is worlds apart from the thinking of a woman. His thought process is basic, primeval. In fact, this primitive mindset is the reason men rationalize romance based on simplistic needs and not emotion.

Men will look at a cave and see nothing more than a hole in the ground where he can take shelter from the rain. A woman looks at the same cave and sees a home – a place nicely decorated with curtains and furniture, somewhere comfortable for her family.

From hole-in-the-wall to home, an example that shows how differently men and women can think when it comes to the fundamental aspects of a relationship.

Dating:

Man invented the wheel, so it should come as no surprise that the male population is enthused by any activity that revolves around this discovery. Monster trucks, motorcycle racing, or anything else that involves high speeds and dangerous driving, is a natural attraction for men. Exhaust fumes and the roar of vehicles without mufflers are to men what candles and soft music are to women – a turn-on!

The competitive side of man has him drawn to physical activities like football and hockey and he’s compelled to watch these warriors compete on the sports battleground. And you can’t get any more basic than wrestling – the ultimate show of manhood, one against one in animalistic combat!

What has this to do with dating? It’s quite easy – these activities go right to the man’s heart and he naturally wants to include his woman in what he enjoys. Understand the underlying difference in thought patterns and women can easily manoeuvre their men into a romantic evening. When it comes to movies, women like romance while men go for action. A woman will think ballet, the man thinks break dancing; women enjoy a stage performance, her man’s idea of a stage is the boxing ring.

Women can get the candle light dinner and moonlit walk along the beach - after the baseball game.

Romantic dinners:

Having something to eat is simply a means of replenishing ones strength, or an activity done during a family gathering – man never meant it to be a romantic effort. There was always a practical purpose for eating – and it had absolutely nothing to do with romance.

Basic man, basic cooking – barbeques, fried chicken, pizza and fast food. If you can wash it down with bottled beer, it’s good. If you can do that without having to get out of your jeans, it’s even better. Eating a meal wasn’t intended to be a prolonged event for man.

Knowing this, it may be wise for the woman to suggest a long night of unimaginable pleasure if her man will take his time at the dining room table.

Gifts:

If it can be taken apart, or used to take something apart, a man will be fascinated by it. If it makes loud noise, or can be hung on the workshop wall, he’ll want it. Hand tools, power accessories, and anything electronic – give your man a ratchet set and it’s like sex; add a compressor and he’ll have an orgasm.

In his role of handyman, tools are a natural gift for him. Considering this mentality, is it any wonder that a gift he selects for his woman happens to be a kitchen utensil, or microwave oven?

If you want your gift to be something personal, don’t leave the decision up to your man or you will probably be disappointed. Help him out and make a list of what you want – he’ll appreciate it.

Sex and intimacy:

A simple three letter, one syllable word that’s easy for men to remember, sex is a word developed for man. To a man, sex is as fundamental as eating – it’s another pleasurable project on his list of things to do. If he doesn’t have to get dressed up for dinner, he won’t. If he can have sex without foreplay, he will. If a woman wants her man to be romantic, she has to train him – but it shouldn’t be all that hard since men aren’t overly complicated. He’ll quickly learn that the longer he plays, the longer he stays.

Are men really romantically challenged? Some say they are while others defend man’s simplistic approach to love as being a product of his prehistoric heritage. Women have evolved into complex creatures and have to exercise patience while they wait for their men to catch up.

Sex Tapes: Should You Make One?

Making a sex tape of you and your partner’s sexcapades can be quite exciting, but is it a good idea?

Putting together a tape of your love making is obviously quite arousing and can add that extra fuel to the sexual fire. What most people don’t think about, however, is the possibility of a couple breaking up – and then what happens to the tape, or DVD?

We’ve all heard of the infamous sex tapes that fall into the hands of the wrong people and end up on the internet, or scorned lovers using the tapes as blackmail. Here are a few hints to help make your sex tape fun and not regrettable.

- Never take it for granted that the two of you will be together forever. Amicable breaks in a relationship can turn nasty and jealousies can cause a scorned partner to use the sex tapes for a use not originally intended;

- With the ever popular You-Tube craze and stolen sex tapes, your filmed escapades must be kept in a safe and secure location where they can’t accidentally be found by someone else;

- Make sure that there is only one copy, that all the others have been destroyed (including any working copies), and that you have possession of the tape or DVD;

- If you’re doing any editing (both of you involved in this process can be as arousing as the original taping), have the files deleted from your computer so that the finished copy is the only evidence of your filming session;

- Consider wearing masks in the sex tape so that identification of the parties will only be known by the two players in the film. You can still watch it, know you’re the stars, and maybe the disguises will be an added stimulant to your movie;

- Don’t make a sex tape with anyone other than a person you’re in a long term, committed relationship with. You want to always know that the tape will be used for you and your partner’s personal pleasure only and not distributed all over the internet;

- One security measure is to make the sex tape, watch it, then have it destroyed – all copies, including the original. Now you will have nothing to worry about – and the best part of the sex tape is making it, so now you have a reason to start all over!

- For the best security, don’t have the camera running. Connect it to your television and start the taping so you can watch yourselves on TV, but there’s no hard copy produced that has to be worried about. Watching the live action on your TV monitor will be a turn-on all in itself.

Taping you and your partner enjoying intimate moments can be stimulating fun, but remember to always consider the consequences of your sex tapes falling into the wrong hands, or being used for purposes not originally intended.

Friendship: Taking it to the Next Level

What happens when you decide to take that friendship to another level? Is it a good thing to ask your friend out on a date … a real date? Do these relationships ever work out, or does exposing your friend to your true feelings destroy the friendship?

It can be treacherous ground, for sure. I went through just that experience. Although it worked out well for me, it may not turn out that way for somebody else.

My husband and I had been friends for many years. I have to admit that I was physically attracted to him, but the idea that we would ever actually be together was more a fantasy of mine than anything else. To be honest, we had flirted with each other for many years with subtle touches and even an occasional stolen kiss under the guise of a birthday wish, or New Years Eve traditional touching of the lips. We had enjoyed being with each other, finding it easy to talk about whatever and occasionally consoling one another when relationships went bad.

Did he care for me? As it turns out, yes. And he decided to try and take our friendship to the next level – a more serious one.

One day he told me how he felt. He was very open about it and said that if I didn’t feel the same way then he would have to distance himself from me. It’s not that he wanted to, but he wasn’t able to continue the charade and not be jealous of my relationships with other people. We talked for quite a while about this, but I actually wasn’t sure what I felt. It had come as quite a surprise that he wanted us to be a couple and I found it scary that I was now being asked to make a decision on our future relationship.

Okay, so I took the night and thought it over … and came to the conclusion that I guess I really knew I would come to all along. I called him up and said yes. I told him that I wanted to give our relationship a try and see where it would go.

We took it slow for several months and let our feelings go where they would. Even though it was difficult, we kept sex out of things and just let the relationship blossom on its own. Communication was a key factor and we would talk for hours about everything and anything. The only thing that was different between us was that now we openly showed our feelings for each other – holding hands; arms around each other; a public kiss of affection; smiles that now meant more than they did before.

I think that being friends first definitely helped, but getting to really know each other cemented the relationship – and here we are, 25 years later, married and still madly in love with each other.

If you’re interested in seeing if your friendship should be taken to another level, I would suggest that you:

- Make sure that your feelings are more than simple curiosity and lust;

- Try staying away from your friend for a while and see how you feel. If you find yourself constantly thinking about him/her, then maybe it’s time to take a chance;

- Understand the consequences of making your emotions known because it may not work out exactly as you had planned;

- Consider the fact that the other person may not feel the same way about you and what you’re going to do if that’s the case;

- Acknowledge that once these kind of romantic feelings are made known, there is no turning back and the friendship as you know it may never be the same again;

- If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, you may have to restrict your time around the individual because it’s doubtful you’ll be able to accept them being with someone else;

- When you find that the other person feels like you and wants to try and move the relationship forward, take it slow;

- Keep sex out of it because you don’t want lust influencing your real feelings. There will be lots of time for that later;

- Talk, talk, talk. Let your dates become time for getting to explore your emotions and to better understand the other person. You may have been friends and think you know all there is to know about the other person, but remember that this is now something different – take the time to explore it.

Above all else, don’t try so hard to make it work, simply enjoy the time you spend together – that’s what relationships are all about!